(ummie no timestamps.. i was terribly unaware of time whn i wrote this.. i also wrote this first part at tha top after i wrote tha part below it,, which is oddlie fittin.. everythin connects ! mmh.. i thought it ws a smidgen of mre context for the guilt, the need for somethin beyond me to save me quick n ruin me for the rest of the time :c my thoughts r hard to write down.. im not good at poetry cos im so slow in the head, im not good at talking because im dumb n nervous n i always choke since everyone wants to train me n thats not a bad thing i am terrible at heart.. my thoughts r rly ist abstract feelins w no words but they make sense to me. i am so awful :c i dnt even think things of substance)
i thought the same thing last week n my stomach hurts so terribly bad. its like everything at once, all at once.. everything at the same time n i cant quite tell which it is because ive been imprinted on (sittin in my bathtub with my eyes to the tile part of the wall to write this) n im seventeen in every aspect except mental.. not mental at all.. i can be eloquent sometimes but i cant be smart. being eloquent is easy. just say the words other people tell you the way they tell you them or say something you read in a book n you'll sound polite. its just a pattern. i'm good with patterns, too good at patterns, terribly good at patterns.... :c but for the fact im nowhere past fourteen, generously, mentally, there are too many possibilities n i feel stuck in multiple places of time. everything at once in more ways than one. maybe i only sound good right now since i was readin the books in my room n theyre fresh on the brain <|3 Saturday, June 20, 2026 | June 20, 2026 | 0 comments below tha cut ♡
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Friday, June 19, 2026 | June 19, 2026 | 0 comments gosh ummh hi.. i ws lookin through my old ao3 since i had only evr published one project one srsly at least.. rly unfinished rly spotty lore for my persona.. theres a lot of missin context tho <|3 ummh basically, before tha point where i'd started writin.. she ws a rly sheltered girl who went out to a party n got kidnapped by schizoaffective man who i nvr rly made a design for since i always depicted him as a shadow figure.. per my hallucinations :c
she stayed at his house a bit where he ws rly kind so she kindof didn't wnna leave, since ppl at home n school were not as kind to her n he didn't make her go to school.. he still went since he ws her classmate ummh he jst didn't make her go too.. since she ws legally missin ♡ then, whn he turned nineteen n she turned eighteen he bought them their own house that he took her to.. n they both went rly, rly crazy.. him with delusions of grandeur n her with brain damage frm abuse.. ummh. i had meant to write all this out so i wldnt hav to explain it bt i started writin in tha middle of tha story, for sme reason.. <|3
hummmmmh thn after tht she eventually gets killed n he gets worse cos he ws convinced they were both immortal.. n tht is how she became tha worst most terrible drug-addicted angel stuck in purgatory with a destroyed psyche ♡ fuunn..
writin n trigger warnings below tha cut ♡ unfinished.. Read more »
i feel im gnna die.. i rly, truly feel i'm gnna die :c in a year or two, whn im eighteen or nineteen or evn twenty, if im lucky.. this isn't my suicide not or anything ummh gosh no.. i jst knw i probably will b killed.. mayb tht isn't so bad.... whn i'm eighteen, alot of stuff will b more forgivable by law.. less illegal? n im so scared.. it shld count as illegal.. mentally i'm not anywhere near adult :c n my brain jst keeps goin on a decline.. n i'm terrified of most 'adult' things.. tha important part is i guess im no longer rly anyones property.. so ppl cn do whtevr they please wth me without anyone to call tha police.. cos it's my decision to go far away.. ithnk tht will happen.. he'll take me far away n get me to write a littl letter sayin i'm safe n not to go lookin for me.. n for three years, i will b both tha saddest, most terrified.. as well as happiest, luckiest,, girl in tha whole wide wrld.. n then i'll do somethin truly terrible n end up wth my skull split open on tha bathtub rim.. wah :c Read more »
Tuesday, June 16, 2026 | June 16, 2026 | 0 comments gosh umm.. still thinkin abt this.. a couple days ago i found sme discs,, err.. my mom did w a bncha photos frm my old bad digicam frm whn i ws like 2-5.. i mightve mentioned this bt my dad ws rly into tech so he'd giv me old cameras n laptops or parts as toys.. i cried abit whn tha tech aisle of my thrift store got all bought out n turned frm crts to toasters... it's all rly nostalgic to me..
sme pics i rly rly liked tho.. i wnna post em here.. honestlie i care less abt em bein shared w/o creds cos i'd like tha sorta mystique to tie bck to me if anyone reposted em anywhere.. i jst probably wont anywhere else.. i also dnt think anyone else will cos no one uses blogspot let alone looks at mine c': Read more »
Sunday, June 14, 2026 | June 14, 2026 | 0 comments hihi.. gosh ummh jst thinkin abnch.. n i rly shld not b <|3 i hav to b up super early tmrw…. also i am writin this on my phone ! which is new.. iv only evr rly blogged on my pc bfore n i feel like since tha screen is smaller here m gnna try to rush it.. oh well,, ummh tori quit yappin.. real topic time,, ♡ i noticed i get super nervous whn im not makin things or expressin myself to smeone in sme way which is weird ..! cos i dnt rly like to b arnd ppl.. or too blunt abt my feelins.. iv mentioned it bfore bt everythin i post is truly rly symbolic to me in sme way.. it does hurt abit tht sme ppl jst see it for pure aesthetics w no substance bt i also like tht.. ♡ it feels like a safety net,, a cloak ?
iv always had issues w an inability to jst say stuff.. n i jst always feel a need to put smthin out there or evn jst redecorate my room or somethin abit so it feels fresh so i feel connected to tha wrld in sme way evn if i hate to interact w it :c ithnk its cos of tha notion tht tha internet or photos n all tht is forevr. im rly afraid of death cos im afraid of bein useless.. a corpse does nothin bt rot.. so i think if so mch of me cld live on after i pass id still b useful to tha girls n ppl who find comfort in wht i put out already.. jst tht one thing is enough for me ♡
n i find it rly truly sweet whn ppl identify w my vents n sch for tht same reason umhhum.. it feels less like i am jst a sad girl mopin arnd n more like i am helpful.. i do sorta kinda do nothin n rot like a corpse while im alive too bt im able to create n advise n b a good reactive punchin bag for ppl whn they’re mad.. ithnk i will forevr b way bttr at those three things thn any job or skill :c aah why do i always turn it depressive <|3 noo.. mhhh.. um .
well i also am jst rly fascinated w how tha internet is basically a digital graveyard,, yknw ? pages live on after ppls death n act as rly rly insightful memorials.. i love goin on tha internet archive n lookin at old sites n evn specifically memorial sites too,, smch poety written for tha dead its lovely to read rly.. bt tha normal ones too.. theres a chance tha owner died n im in a way carryin on their memory jst by readin n everyone else who does will too ♡ its so sweet.. also.. where my love for thrift stores came frm..!
large lots of donations aftr ppl pass,, everythin had a home n a story beforehnd.. it cld bcome part of mine n whn i pass n thn part of another ♡ which is also so so so so sweet to me.. i love to think of how evryone is connected.. lain reference.. hehe ♡ pls dnt boo me off tha stage wait no im sry m s
readin ovr this [3:07am] my tone feels off to me n i dunno why.. mayb i am abit dissociated i hate to use tht word alot cos its sortof a buzzwrd but its been smthin ive always done rly easy ummh whn im stressed i always strt to view myself in tha third person or barely undrstnd my surroundins.. n i ws gettin chewed out earlier so it makes sense.. hummh ummh now im sad again wah <|3
i rly hope im remembered whn i die . ithnk thts sort of a selfish wnt too, ppl die all tha time,, im no one special or important at all n to wish tht i ws notable enough to b remembered makes me feel like i hav scha stupidly big ego,, :c bt i do fantasize ill admit tht.. of smthin rly terrible happenin to me or i go missin n my face is on tha news or smthin n thn ppl find all my stuff n i get in like a ytb documentary or smthin pfft,,,, i do think i am interestin. kindof.. in a bad way.. i feel like i am interestin to psychoanalyze bt not rly to tlk to or to b arnd so mayb n probably it is also jst my need to b useful again bt this time to psych students or to tha media.. who knws <|3 i feel guilty sayin good things abt myself..
Tuesday, June 9, 2026 | June 09, 2026 | 0 comments
eek hi anons in gen make me abit nervous in general n i can take things to heart but i d get wht you mean by this i didn't rly take it as mean,, ♡ i do like to explain myself tho um i dunno i sort of jst like to tlk to tlk n i ws sorta tlkin abt this stuff on my priv abit too yesterday so funny timin.. c:
cw/tw mentions of my abuse n stuff for anyone who wld not wnna see tht,, also big big mention everythin i say is def not a good thing.. i am not tryin to promote any of this at all i am jst tryin to tlk n give context i rly do hate to see this sorta stuff promoted :c
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meet tha owner
name : tori/vivi/victoria ♡
born on : 10/26 (october 26th)
country : usa ♡
language : eng onlie...
religion : unsure.. i'd like to think there is somethin ♡
wishes : i wish everyone ws more genuine n compassionate n nicer n more willin to help others n ummmh a donut i rly wnt a donut..
hobby : art, fashion, writin, readin, pharmacology, psychology.. umm stuff in tht realm ♡
I love
♥ baby pink
♥ sweets
♥ medical things
♥ craftin
♥ sweet people
♥ winter
I Hate
✖ copycats
✖ loud noise
✖ the outdoors
✖ crowds..
abt this blog
est 2/27/26.. wowow recent for blogger right.. altho i've been active online bloggin since abtt 2023.. i wnted a more private place n a diary ♡ my wnts change alot so smtimes i like to b open n smtimes i like to b hidden.. here is my littl hidin spot ♡
Link Exchanges
before you read..
 1. i will vent.. im a sad girl so i will tlk abt bein sad.. n tlk abt sad upsettin stuff.. it's for me to get it out so if tht makes you uncomfy pls do not force yourself to <\3
2. if yanno you're smone i wldnt wnt on here pls dnt b..
3. pls dnt repostt my pics w/o creds! i it happens alot.. :c
4. b nice ♡
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Friday, July 3, 2026 | July 03, 2026 | 0comments (ummie no timestamps.. i was terribly unaware of time whn i wrote this.. i also wrote this first part at tha top after i wrote tha part below it,, which is oddlie fittin.. everythin connects ! mmh.. i thought it ws a smidgen of mre context for the guilt, the need for somethin beyond me to save me quick n ruin me for the rest of the time :c my thoughts r hard to write down.. im not good at poetry cos im so slow in the head, im not good at talking because im dumb n nervous n i always choke since everyone wants to train me n thats not a bad thing i am terrible at heart.. my thoughts r rly ist abstract feelins w no words but they make sense to me. i am so awful :c i dnt even think things of substance)
i thought the same thing last week n my stomach hurts so terribly bad. its like everything at once, all at once.. everything at the same time n i cant quite tell which it is because ive been imprinted on (sittin in my bathtub with my eyes to the tile part of the wall to write this) n im seventeen in every aspect except mental.. not mental at all.. i can be eloquent sometimes but i cant be smart. being eloquent is easy. just say the words other people tell you the way they tell you them or say something you read in a book n you'll sound polite. its just a pattern. i'm good with patterns, too good at patterns, terribly good at patterns.... :c but for the fact im nowhere past fourteen, generously, mentally, there are too many possibilities n i feel stuck in multiple places of time. everything at once in more ways than one. maybe i only sound good right now since i was readin the books in my room n theyre fresh on the brain <|3 Saturday, June 20, 2026 | June 20, 2026 | 0comments below tha cut ♡
Read more »
Friday, June 19, 2026 | June 19, 2026 | 0comments gosh ummh hi.. i ws lookin through my old ao3 since i had only evr published one project one srsly at least.. rly unfinished rly spotty lore for my persona.. theres a lot of missin context tho <|3 ummh basically, before tha point where i'd started writin.. she ws a rly sheltered girl who went out to a party n got kidnapped by schizoaffective man who i nvr rly made a design for since i always depicted him as a shadow figure.. per my hallucinations :c
she stayed at his house a bit where he ws rly kind so she kindof didn't wnna leave, since ppl at home n school were not as kind to her n he didn't make her go to school.. he still went since he ws her classmate ummh he jst didn't make her go too.. since she ws legally missin ♡ then, whn he turned nineteen n she turned eighteen he bought them their own house that he took her to.. n they both went rly, rly crazy.. him with delusions of grandeur n her with brain damage frm abuse.. ummh. i had meant to write all this out so i wldnt hav to explain it bt i started writin in tha middle of tha story, for sme reason.. <|3
hummmmmh thn after tht she eventually gets killed n he gets worse cos he ws convinced they were both immortal.. n tht is how she became tha worst most terrible drug-addicted angel stuck in purgatory with a destroyed psyche ♡ fuunn..
writin n trigger warnings below tha cut ♡ unfinished.. Read more »
i feel im gnna die.. i rly, truly feel i'm gnna die :c in a year or two, whn im eighteen or nineteen or evn twenty, if im lucky.. this isn't my suicide not or anything ummh gosh no.. i jst knw i probably will b killed.. mayb tht isn't so bad.... whn i'm eighteen, alot of stuff will b more forgivable by law.. less illegal? n im so scared.. it shld count as illegal.. mentally i'm not anywhere near adult :c n my brain jst keeps goin on a decline.. n i'm terrified of most 'adult' things.. tha important part is i guess im no longer rly anyones property.. so ppl cn do whtevr they please wth me without anyone to call tha police.. cos it's my decision to go far away.. ithnk tht will happen.. he'll take me far away n get me to write a littl letter sayin i'm safe n not to go lookin for me.. n for three years, i will b both tha saddest, most terrified.. as well as happiest, luckiest,, girl in tha whole wide wrld.. n then i'll do somethin truly terrible n end up wth my skull split open on tha bathtub rim.. wah :c Read more »
Tuesday, June 16, 2026 | June 16, 2026 | 0comments gosh umm.. still thinkin abt this.. a couple days ago i found sme discs,, err.. my mom did w a bncha photos frm my old bad digicam frm whn i ws like 2-5.. i mightve mentioned this bt my dad ws rly into tech so he'd giv me old cameras n laptops or parts as toys.. i cried abit whn tha tech aisle of my thrift store got all bought out n turned frm crts to toasters... it's all rly nostalgic to me..
sme pics i rly rly liked tho.. i wnna post em here.. honestlie i care less abt em bein shared w/o creds cos i'd like tha sorta mystique to tie bck to me if anyone reposted em anywhere.. i jst probably wont anywhere else.. i also dnt think anyone else will cos no one uses blogspot let alone looks at mine c': Read more »
Sunday, June 14, 2026 | June 14, 2026 | 0comments hihi.. gosh ummh jst thinkin abnch.. n i rly shld not b <|3 i hav to b up super early tmrw…. also i am writin this on my phone ! which is new.. iv only evr rly blogged on my pc bfore n i feel like since tha screen is smaller here m gnna try to rush it.. oh well,, ummh tori quit yappin.. real topic time,, ♡ i noticed i get super nervous whn im not makin things or expressin myself to smeone in sme way which is weird ..! cos i dnt rly like to b arnd ppl.. or too blunt abt my feelins.. iv mentioned it bfore bt everythin i post is truly rly symbolic to me in sme way.. it does hurt abit tht sme ppl jst see it for pure aesthetics w no substance bt i also like tht.. ♡ it feels like a safety net,, a cloak ?
iv always had issues w an inability to jst say stuff.. n i jst always feel a need to put smthin out there or evn jst redecorate my room or somethin abit so it feels fresh so i feel connected to tha wrld in sme way evn if i hate to interact w it :c ithnk its cos of tha notion tht tha internet or photos n all tht is forevr. im rly afraid of death cos im afraid of bein useless.. a corpse does nothin bt rot.. so i think if so mch of me cld live on after i pass id still b useful to tha girls n ppl who find comfort in wht i put out already.. jst tht one thing is enough for me ♡
n i find it rly truly sweet whn ppl identify w my vents n sch for tht same reason umhhum.. it feels less like i am jst a sad girl mopin arnd n more like i am helpful.. i do sorta kinda do nothin n rot like a corpse while im alive too bt im able to create n advise n b a good reactive punchin bag for ppl whn they’re mad.. ithnk i will forevr b way bttr at those three things thn any job or skill :c aah why do i always turn it depressive <|3 noo.. mhhh.. um .
well i also am jst rly fascinated w how tha internet is basically a digital graveyard,, yknw ? pages live on after ppls death n act as rly rly insightful memorials.. i love goin on tha internet archive n lookin at old sites n evn specifically memorial sites too,, smch poety written for tha dead its lovely to read rly.. bt tha normal ones too.. theres a chance tha owner died n im in a way carryin on their memory jst by readin n everyone else who does will too ♡ its so sweet.. also.. where my love for thrift stores came frm..!
large lots of donations aftr ppl pass,, everythin had a home n a story beforehnd.. it cld bcome part of mine n whn i pass n thn part of another ♡ which is also so so so so sweet to me.. i love to think of how evryone is connected.. lain reference.. hehe ♡ pls dnt boo me off tha stage wait no im sry m s
readin ovr this [3:07am] my tone feels off to me n i dunno why.. mayb i am abit dissociated i hate to use tht word alot cos its sortof a buzzwrd but its been smthin ive always done rly easy ummh whn im stressed i always strt to view myself in tha third person or barely undrstnd my surroundins.. n i ws gettin chewed out earlier so it makes sense.. hummh ummh now im sad again wah <|3
i rly hope im remembered whn i die . ithnk thts sort of a selfish wnt too, ppl die all tha time,, im no one special or important at all n to wish tht i ws notable enough to b remembered makes me feel like i hav scha stupidly big ego,, :c bt i do fantasize ill admit tht.. of smthin rly terrible happenin to me or i go missin n my face is on tha news or smthin n thn ppl find all my stuff n i get in like a ytb documentary or smthin pfft,,,, i do think i am interestin. kindof.. in a bad way.. i feel like i am interestin to psychoanalyze bt not rly to tlk to or to b arnd so mayb n probably it is also jst my need to b useful again bt this time to psych students or to tha media.. who knws <|3 i feel guilty sayin good things abt myself..
Tuesday, June 9, 2026 | June 09, 2026 | 0comments
eek hi anons in gen make me abit nervous in general n i can take things to heart but i d get wht you mean by this i didn't rly take it as mean,, ♡ i do like to explain myself tho um i dunno i sort of jst like to tlk to tlk n i ws sorta tlkin abt this stuff on my priv abit too yesterday so funny timin.. c:
cw/tw mentions of my abuse n stuff for anyone who wld not wnna see tht,, also big big mention everythin i say is def not a good thing.. i am not tryin to promote any of this at all i am jst tryin to tlk n give context i rly do hate to see this sorta stuff promoted :c
Read more »
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