i feel im gnna die.. i rly, truly feel i'm gnna die :c in a year or two, whn im eighteen or nineteen or evn twenty, if im lucky.. this isn't my suicide not or anything ummh gosh no.. i jst knw i probably will b killed.. mayb tht isn't so bad....

n rly i dnt wnna die at all, but homicide seems like tha most useful i cld b.. it's sch an abandonment of will, n i am surely not meant to hav any.. until tha very end.. i'm doin rly good things.. im lettin ppl take their anger out on me.. tht way they feel bttr, n i'm fine with feelin worse ♡ well not rlie fine im rly sensitive bbut (ouwh: smtimes whn im nervous to type things my fingers jitter on tha keys n it makes me double type.. i like it.. ♡ it feels sorta like my virtual stutter...) i accept it mmh.. n if they're doin it to me, they aren't doin it to other people which is rly good i sortof saved smone mayb.. n i die in a rly useful way.. it's mch bttr thn selfish suicide.. n mayb all tha pain will rly end.. ithink if smeone else decides it's time for it to end, tht is fair.. ♡

i knw i cn b prettie delusional w my paranoia aswell bt this is all true i think.. unless i wake up n it ws all a terrible nightmare ? i kindof hope, i kindof hope not.. gosh goodness aaah im so vague <|3 mmh.. my thoughts jst arent with me like they used to b :c ive gotten alot dumber n i cn tell for sure..