sick girl's hospital

 i am abit drunk so im sry if this doesnt make mch sense.. tho again i am not rly sure whos interested in my diary othr thn me.. who am i apologizin too? i dunno.. it's just a habit.. i feel so guilty :c mayb i like to write online cos sme part of me is so lonely evn tho i rly hat bein close w ppl i dunno i dnt rly wnna think but i always think uuug...

i forgot wht i ws thinkin abt in th kitchen.. bt i did wnna write it down.. i jst um.. i wish i didnt hav th capacity to hate n i wish i wsnt affected by things.. i see mslf as sch a receptacle for negativity n i wnt everyone to hurt me so why do i see whn im bein manipulated smch.. my patter nrecognition has always been good n i hate it, i wnt to b manipulated, cluelessly.. m too scared to let it happen whn im aware evn tho i rly wnt to my survival instincts kick in too bad n i jst run uuu uu uu uu uu uu  uu u uuuu i hate life