sick girl's hospital

originally written in my journal ♡

dear ♡♡♡♡♡♡,

today i understand it all now, 10 minutes ago i was the world's biggest hypocrite.. i used to lie to myself just as much as the girls i so hate :c because i thought like them, and caused just as much harm.. i'm so, so sorry about the things i said 2 years ago.. i don't agree with it at all anymore and i understand her (you) so much now.. 

i believe we made up.. but still.. i am so, so sorry ♡♡♡♡♡♡ :c from the bottom of my bleeding heart.. for all my dumb logic and all my insecurity but i let bleed out, you didn't deserve that at all. i understand you more than ever now, and i think you are truly, a lovely, sweet-hearted girl.. hardened by awful people who had no right.. but your heart is good, i believe so much, and that wasn't shaken ♡ 

as for me? i believe i am myself.. if not, i hope to find her, even though i'm so afraid of change.. i'd like to be my only inspiration.. ♡ i like to think i am, but i don't know everything.. i think i'll wait for more clues from the universe, as this one recently just clicked ♡ i'm not good at immediately telling that kind of stuff, but i'm good at puzzles c: hehe.. 

anyway.. i await the future, n i hope i've settled this karma, for the both of us... the nail in the coffin actually came to me as i was at the peak of my anger over this.. i feel a lot better now, i just hope you do too.. i hope my debts wore off.. as i want to grow and change.. (if needed..) but that's not why i wrote this.. i wrote it because i feel so strongly, and i need to express my remorse in the most genuine way.. which to me is physical writing.. you poor angel :c i meant every word.. mmh.... 

on the off chance you see this.. hi.. i wish you the best blessings for most anything and everything ♡ and i would love to talk.. maybe.. if you wish ♡ i have lots more to say but my hand is cramping up n i'm really bad at getting all my thoughts down into readable sentences..

love, tori ♡