Sunday, March 15, 2026 | March 15, 2026 | 0 comments
ppl confuse me, ppl hav always confused me.. nobody makes sense becos evryones a hypocrite.. im sure im a hypocrite smetimes </3 bt nobody likes me whn i fllw tha advice they giv me..
i've always been a littl bit ofa pushover becos ive always been alot scared.. im so scared of conflicts tht i wld rather die thn start a fight unless i felt so terrible abt smethin tht i start throwin up.. n even thn i try soo hrd to b polite.. becos i nvr knw wht tha other person is goin through n i wldnt wnna make tht worse, n nothin good comes frm bein rude anyways.. at least frm my perspective..
all you do is make em dislike you more n make evrybodys feelins worse n get further n further away frm actuallie tlkin it out n comin to resolution.. i dunno.. i dnt understnd tha aggression of evryone :c
bt smetimes i do confront ppl abt stuff.. like whn i get copycats.. or ithnk smeone is bein so mean tht it hurts my heart n i hav to ask em abt it.. anythin tht makes me feel so terrible.. its hrd for me not to feel.. i feel evrythin so strongly :c im jst rly good at pushin it dwn, n ppl like me whn i do tht..
thts tha thing.. ppl love me whn i make myself small n nothin n i accept anythin they giv me no matter if its good or awful.. it keeps me safe to b a doormat.. bt anytime im not, anytime i show tha slightest shred of a will to stnd up for myself evryone thinks im jst so awful.. bt i dnt understnd why,, becos eveyone tells me to stnd up for myself.. or jst to stop bein scha loser.. but tha same ppl who say tht to me get so mad when they r tha ones i stnd up to.. i dnt understnd :c
evrythin in tha world makes me think i shld just go further into my doormatty ways.. nothin good evr came frm me tryin to b anythin else.... n i cn take alot, i promise.. i hav a habit of pridin myself on tht too.. jst how mch i can endure..
whn it hurts like nothin else ever has bt i keep my mouth closed i feel like tha best girl on earth.. ♡ bt it still hurts.. i still break.. i break hard smetimes, especially whn things mean alot to me n i feel theyre bein ruined..
aaaah i forgot whn i started writin.. i usually like to timestamp sme things.. well.. [5:28am] ♡ i rly think i shld sleep, im tryin to fix my schedule.. i tld my boyfriend id sleep :c bt i get distracted so easily.. n i hav so mch on my mind tht i dnt wnna lose bfore i rest.. i hope he wnt b too mad </3 gosh im rly off topic..
anyway.. ummh yeah i jst rly cnt tell if im in tha wrong or not for tha rare moments where i can be a littl spikier thn soft..? mhh that's all ♡
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1. i will vent.. im a sad girl so i will tlk abt bein sad.. n tlk abt sad upsettin stuff.. it's for me to get it out so if tht makes you uncomfy pls do not force yourself to <\3
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