sick girl's hospital

i like to make her mouth nonexistent n her eyes her only means of expression (..since her brows r always frozen in fear..) since ummh i am usually vry afraid to speak my mind.. cos i am always clouded by fear, n both irl n online i feel ppl tend to see my aversion or weakness or fear bfore they see anythin else.. which i knda like cos ppl treat me gentler n i am vry sensitive........ i write her as 15-19 physically cos tht ws th worst part of her life n, like me, she dwells on awful past n wld rather b arnd awful familiar things thn unfamiliar good things.. :c also ummh i strted writin actual lore for her whn i ws fourteen-fifteen ♡ i'd predicted my own life prettie well in a way.. or mayb i manifested it.. or mayb history jst repeats itself.. i dunno <|3 i wrote a big big storie abt her past for tha mst prt tht i also put on here so i wnt paste tht giant chunk again.. bt i do wnna write abit abt her present day .. ♡  

i also rly rly wnted to tlk abt my worldbuildin cos im a big geek loser girl ♡ i write her age as n/a rly cos she's dead.. an angel.. a rly, rly bad one.. i write angels in a mayb odd way? iv nvr rly checked if anythin else has done a similar interpretation or not so m not sure if m original at all hehe.. also m not th most religious person evr.. i'm agnostic bt very spiritual ♡ i'll save th topic for anothr time bt to put it rly simply i jst rly dunno wht's real at th moment.. i always wait for signs ♡ i'll keep waitin for signs or to learn.. bt for now i jst dunno,,, anyways ummhs ! i write angels as rly nothin bt energy, sorta like orb ghosts bt way mre powerful n havin.. mre.. energy? it's impossible for humans to percieve thm in their truest pure form, like a fourth dimension ♡ it wld b beyond nonsense for any earthly bein to try to get.. so luckily the energy cn project a percievable form for all th humans.. th angel *cld* control their form, if they rly wnna.. bt it takes effort to keep a chosen form visible to humans.. it's an intentional conscious thing they hav to focus on to keep up.. so whn they arent tryin, their energy jst translates as bst it cn to it's true meanin tht humans cn undrstnd.. ummh let me try to explain.. her hair is long n messy as well as her body always bein battered n cut up cos as a human (n now, since her psyche is still part of her soul !) she ws either bein harmed or afraid of harm.. she's a messy, unorganized, scattered girl.. everythin of tht sort reflects on her body.. she shows up mst closely resemblin her late teenage self cos tht's the closest version of herself she remembers.. an organized n practical angel wld probably look vry put together n clean.. stuff like tht.. i write the angels as their human forms in a sorta.. meta way? ♡ i'm a human girl.. we're all human people.. we cnt perceive th true nature of their stories ! we cn only see their humanized ones.... 

i also write it this was cos of th settin.. she lives in purgatory as a sort of fallen angel.. th man she lived with ws crazy n drove her crazy.. she ws vry supportive of his awful actions n neither of them were in a right mind at all.. i write purgatory as basically a second earth.. othr thn th fact tht it's populated w angels n ghosts.. it functions like a second earth.. angels who aren't awful enough for hell bt aren't good enough for heaven get sent to purgatory until they cn prove themselves evil or good.. smtimes neither happens n they r stuck in limbo forevr.. mayb tht's how ghosts r made ! but she has been stuck there for abit.. whn they originally sent her dwn, she cldn't cope with th fact tht she had died since she saw th bad man she lived with as her god n cldn't cope at all with him not bein there to greet her.. she wldn't say a wrd to anyone n hid in corners hidin her face n mumblin incoherrent things.. eventually it died dwn.. slowly...... n she ended up gettin a job in purgatory's hospital, drawn in by th sweet sweet allure of an ungaurded pharmacy.. also since she had been a patient there since she had arrived, it ws th easy option ♡ she had been vry fixated on medical things n autopsy as a girl, so she had all th knowledge, she jst needed trainin on tactile stuff.. 

she nvr rly did get herself a home or anythin tho.. she lives in th hospital like she's hauntin it.. she sleeps in empty patient rooms n hides out gosh knows where until she's needed.. she swipes benzos n painkillers frm th pharmacy n gets high on th job.. vry terrible angel ! despite this she is vry kind.. n good at her job whn she's not freakin out.. so maybe her swipin all th benzos is a plus for them.... i'd describe her personality as sorta a war.. terribly reclusive, paranoid tht everyone arnd her wnts to hurt her, visibly shakin frm nervousness almost all th time, a hedonistic addict who jst wnts to feel good for a bit, a girl who wnts smeone she cn rely on n devote herself to again, a masochist who hates pain bt loves to put herself in bad situations for the sake of nostalgia.. bt also vry well meanin, vry kind, vry mch enjoys bein able to treat ill ppl at th hospital, genuinely wnts to b helpful.. yknow ♡ she'd b a lovely ppl person if she wsnt so afraid of ppl! ithnk i'll paste wht i wrote abt her three years-ish ago ♡ it still holds up rly well ummh i dnt like to change things at all mch.. 

'"her name is tori, like mine ♡ angel nurse girl ♡ a sweet-at-heart but sick-in-the-head girl.. she works at a hospital in purgatory.. n evn off the job she tries her best to b vry dotin n’ carin to everyone around her.. she prefers to keep her angelic traits hidden because she thinks they're "too much.." she often prefers to b left alone.. n’ she can’t handle large crowds well n can come off as standoffish whn she wnts people to go away, but she’ **is** as sweet as she can manage when she does try to talk to people...

she is perpetually nervous or melancholic, or paranoid… she can be a bit neurotic.. her face is always furrowed in anxiety or poutiness.. ♡ probably because she is vry scared of nd/or upset by most mundane things…

she often finds herself with unexplained cuts and bruises.. (mostly due to her clumsiness.. hehe ♡) she also does have selfharm scars.. cuts n cigarette burns… she does it out of stress n’ slight masochistic tendency.. also to feel closer to th bad past she still hangs onto.. ( um p.s. i did add thm because she is me n i do have thm myself.. however keepin thm on her is entirely optional ♡ feel free to wrap thm up gently in a bandage or erase entirely..)

while she does genuinely enjoy bein helpful, she derives a lotta self-worth frm it… she has a strong need to be needed.. she’s a big people pleaser even tho she’s usually very paranoid of everyone around her, n’ thinks they wnna hurt her, or b mean to her… but she forces herself to b “trusting” outta fear of appearin’ mean herself…

she’s also quite bad socially,, she doesn’t undrstand many cues or how to act at all… which is sorta part of why she prefers solitude.. ♡ she often comes off awkward or blunt or shy or uncomfortably clingy…

she likes sweets/candy n’ doin’ drugs becos both numb her head a little.. some obviously more than others.. ♡ she has lollipops in her mouth often ♡ n’ she keeps stolen pills in her apron pocket.. when she's high she’s less ‘high-strung anxiety’ n’ mre ‘hazy melancholy’.. she relies on highs heavily to make herself feel better.. she also breaks down/panics easily.. she will usually tug on her pigtails hard whn that happens… owchie ♡

lotsa medical knowledge! yknow.. nurse.. bt she’s vry nerdy abt pharmaceuticals n psychology hehe.. ♡

she is vry creatively inclined n’ holds aesthetic things vry dear to her heart, becos they provide her a sense of comfort.. emotionally she nvr really matured past 15.. :c she has slight masochistic tendencies ♡ mainly the fact tht she often attaches very heavily to n’ seeks out mean or abusive people even if she doesn't ”enjoy” the treatment in a traditional sense (this is due to her past.." 

so ummh still prettie mch same !! th only thing rly tht changed is i didn't rly hav my "angels as energy" thingie dwn yet or rly any wrldbuildin i meant to do othr thn tht i always wnted it to take place in purgatory cos i always knew she ws too awful for heaven yepyep.. mayb i'll go bck n edit it abit i dunno.. m sorta lazy n it still holds up rly nicely n i jst hate to change stuff.. :c i also think i write her in a way where he anxiety overthrows her nervousness abit mre bt again it's not rly tht big ummh ummh.. she is still rly clumsy also! vry clumsy.. bad at her job terrible awful angel smeone overdose her now now... tho she cnt rly die so mayb she'd jst like it.. i've lost my whole train of thought again :c no more smartness for me.. ummh.. srrie to end another one of these bluntly cos of m stupid memory lapses.. fffh..