as for the masochist thing, tht is more a case of jst me not bein vry self aware n only now self-searchin.. i am rly selfhating.... so i used to think i liked being hurt because i felt uncomfy n undeserving whn ppl were kind to me *esp* in romantic situations.. but i do not think i'm a masochist in a traditional sense anymore.. cos i jst.. dnt like bein hurt.. it makes me sad as it wld anyone else,, :c whn i use the word now i use it to more mean self-sabotagin.. i want bad things to happen to me not cos i like it, but cos i feel i deserve it.. i'm not sure if there is a better word for tht.. i dont feel like it's a crayzie thing to wish for somethin n still b upset by it n cry abt it again especially w mental unwellness.. i hav distanced frm tha title tho..

other part.. tht is a fair judgement </3 tho i am unsure wht you mean i act like tht outsida my profiles cos ummh i knw for certain you dnt knw me irl n i havent spoken to anyone online at all other than textin my bf whn he is far.. n i.. do ? i am still a very scared person, i cry easily, i am still mentally unwell, i at the very least feel like quite a pathetic girl... i've always acted like tht.. sometimes i'd try to act more normal around strangers or drop my typin quirks but that's all fear too.. i'm scared they'll b mean to me or judge me if i am weird n i know i cnt take it.. tht's sorta part of tha reason i am more isolated too now tho.. i made friends with bad n dramaful ppl n it was makin me act in ways tht felt so, so far frm myself.. now i am evn more paranoid abt gettin close to ppl after distancin frm everyone.. i act how i do on my socials w my most closest ppl.. i hav mountains of screenshots between me n bf to back it up c: also especially online i am venting alot.. naturally i wnna put the worst parts of myself into cute things i like to feel better abt em.. if i didn't try to embrace sch bad things i probably wldve killed myself by now... ummh </3 this is my space to feel properly expressed in a way i can stomach, n feel comfy n all..

i also rly hate labels too.. whn i was younger.. like 13 mostly? i fixated on them alot cos i had pushed down smch i didnt know how to do anythin myself.. i still used tha terms a littl later in life but it was mostlie cos i didnt knw wht else to look up for cute pics lolol,, thts why i hate them now.. tryin to follow smthin defined by the outside made me feel like even less of a person.. so i dnt rly try to stick myself to any pre-defined label or 'aesthetic" other than what i like.. which is pastels, pink, medical stuff, injuries, polka-dots, fashion, candy.. lotsa other things.. not rly any specific aesthetic tht exists tht i'm aware of.. i try to keep it coherrent but that is jst cos i like it tht way ^.^ visual-wise, i treat all my socials like my scrapbook in tha sense tht i like them to come together nicely as a whole.. 

thnku for the ability to reflect, identity is somethin i think on a lot.. i hope you take care too, anon c: if you have anythin else youd like to say or if you evn read this i'd rly like to dm n mayb hav a conversation on it.. i dnt bite c; hehe.. i hope i said this well cos i tried rly hard to get my thoughts out proper..